Alcoholic flush

ירושלמי פסים פרק י הלכה א 

רבי יודה בי רבי אלעי שתי ארבעתי כסוי דלילי פיסחא וחזיק רישיה עד חגא חמתי' חדא מטרונה אפוי נהירין אמר' לי' סבא סבא חדא מן תלת מילין אית בך או שתיי חמר את או מלוה בריבית או את מגדל חזירים את אמר לה תיפח רוחה דהיא איתתא הדא מן אילין תלתי מילייא לית בי אלא אולפני שכיח לי דכתיב (קוהלת ח) חכמת אדם תאיר פניו

Yerushalmi Pesachim 10:1 

Ribbi Yehuda b. Ribbi Ilai would drink the four cups of wine of the Seder night and would experience migraines until Succot.
One day, a Roman baroness saw him after Pesach with heavy flushing in his face.
"Old man! Based on that glow, I deduce that you fall into one of the following three categories." the Sherlock Holmes wannabe told him. "You are either an alcoholic, or you are a moneylender who never had to stress about your parnassa, or you are a swine farmer who earns a ton by monopolizing the pork industry in Israel. Nothing else can bring such a glow to your face."
"Get lost!" he responded. "I am none of these things. Rather, my wisdom causes my glow, as the pasuk in Kohelet says, 'A person's wisdom will light up his face.'"

Ribbi Yehuda b. Ribbi Ilai likely suffered from an acetaldehyde dehydrogenase deficiency. 

Go big or go home: Bet Shammai

Anyone who has spent some time in a bet midrash, especially an Ashkenazi one, can attest that sometimes Torah debates can get intense. But I'm willing to bet that you've never seen anyone top Bet Shammai and Bet Hillel, as described in the following Yerushalmi:

ירושלמי שבת א:ד

ואלו הן ההלכות שאמרו בעליית חנניה בן חזקיה בן גרון שעלו לבקרו ונמנו ורבו ב"ש על ב"ה ושמנה עשר דברים גזרו בו ביום... תנא ר' יהושע אונייא תלמידי ב"ש עמדו להן מלמטה והיו הורגין בתלמידי ב"ה.  תני ששה מהן עלו והשאר עמדו עליהן בחרבות וברמחים.

Yerushalmi Shabbat 1:4
These are the halachot which were said in the attic of Hananya b. Hesqia b. Garon when they went to visit him and found that those affiliated with Bet Shammai were more numerous than those affiliated with Bet Hillel. Eighteen laws were enacted on that day... 

R' Yehoshua Onaya taught- the students of Bet Shammai guarded the attic from the bottom, and were killing the students of Bet Hillel to prevent them from entering the attic. It was taught- six of the students of Bet Shammai went up to the attic and the rest of them stood guard with swords and spears.

For obvious reasons, some of the mefarshei hayerushalmi say that this passage is figurative and that nobody actually killed anyone that day. The peshat says otherwise. Even if it did not happen literally, the Talmud phrases it in this manner for a reason. These people took their enactments very seriously. Today we hear of all sorts of insane violence that arises within certain camps in certain circles. Yet we would probably be reluctant to call these tana'im insane. Some of the enactments from that fateful day are still practiced now, such as refraining from eating the bread and cheese of non-Jews. I know I would be reluctant to call them insane, at least while they've got those swords and spears at hand. 

Priceless jewels and worthless scrolls

ירושלמי פאה פרק א הל' א

ארטבון שלח לר' הקדוש חד מרגלי טבא אטימיטון א"ל שלח לי מילה דטבא דכוותה שלח ליה חד מזוזה א"ל מה אנא שלחי לך מילה דלית לה טימי ואת שלחת לי מילה דטבא חד פולר א"ל חפציך וחפצי לא ישווה בה ולא עוד אלא דאת שלחית לי מילה דאנא מנטיר לה ואנא שלחי' לך מילה דאת דמך לך והיא מנטרא לך דכתיב (משלי ו) בהתהלכך תנחה אותך וגו'.

Yerushalmi Pe'ah 1:1 (loosely translated)

Artivon (Pene Moshe thinks he was Jewish, although A"A says that others disagree) once sent Ribbi a priceless jewel as a gift. He asked for a gift of equal value in return, so Ribbi sent him a mezuza.
"Seriously, Ribbi?!" Artivon sent back. "I sent you a priceless jewel and you sent back a rolled-up piece of paper, worth a few cents?!"
Ribbi replied: "First of all, my net worth is a small fraction of yours. Second of all, you sent me something that I have to look after. But I sent you something that looks after you while you sleep easy at night, like the pasuk in Mishle (6:22) says, 'When you walk I will lead you, when you sleep I will watch over you...'"

A"A emphasizes that we are not meant to practice mitzvot in order for them to protect us. Nevertheless, as made clear from this passage in the Talmud, mitzvot can function in such a manner. (As a side note: I always wonder when I read this passage- who sends a gift and then asks for one back? That's so distasteful...)

Upsetting Ribbi with poorly-phrased messages

ירושלמי כלאים פ"ט ה"ג

[רבי יהודה הנשיא היה אומר] אין סליק רב הונא ריש גלותא להכא אנא מותיב ליה לעיל מיניי דהוא מן יהודה ואנא מבנימין דהוא מן דכריא ואנא מן נוקבתא.  חד זמן אעל רבי חייא רובה לגביה אמר ליה הא רב הונא לבר נתכרכמו פניו של רבי.  אמר ליה ארונו בא.  אמר ליה פוק וחמי מאן בעי לך לבר.  ונפק ולא אשכח בר נש וידע דהוא כעיס עלוי.  עבד דלא עליל לגביה תלתין יומין.... לסוף תלת עשרתי שניא ותלתתוי יומיא עאל אליהו לגביה בדמות רבי חייא רובה.  אמר ליה מה מרי עביד.  אמר ליה חד שיניי מעיקרא לי.  אמר ליה חמי לה לי וחמי לה ליה ויהב אצבעתיה עלה ואינשמת.  למחר עאל רבי חייא רובה לגביה א"ל מה עביד אמר אי לכם חיות שבארץ ישראל אי לכם עוברות שבארץ ישראל.  אמר ליה אנא לא הוינא.  מן ההיא שעתא הוה נהיג ביה ביקר.  כד הוה עליל לבית וועדא הוה אמר יכנס רבי חייא רובה לפנים. 

Yerushalmi Kila'im 9:3 (loosely translated with help from the Pene Moshe)

Ribbi Yehuda HanNasi used to say, "If Rav Huna, the Resh Galuta (in Bavel) would come here (to Eretz Yisrael), I will give him a position above mine, because his lineage is from Yehuda via males, but my lineage is from Binyamin, and only traces back to Yehuda via females.
One time, Ribbi Chiya appeared before Ribbi and said, "Rav Huna came to town!"
Ribbi's face turned white. He had promised to give up his position to Rav Huna if he would ever show up!
"Don't worry," Ribbi Chiya added, "it's his coffin."
Rav Huna had passed away and was being brought to Israel to be buried.
Ribbi got very upset at Ribbi Chiya's poor choice of phrasing the message. "Chiya, I think someone wants to talk to you outside!" he said.
Ribbi Chiya stepped outside, and noticed that nobody was there to see him. He understood that Ribbi just wanted him out of his way because he had upset him.
Ribbi Chiya understood that he was no longer welcome in Ribbi's presence, and stopped coming to the bet midrash.
30 days after his disappearance, Eliyahu hanNavi appeared to Ribbi in the form of Ribbi Chiya. He found Ribbi in pain. "What's the matter?" he asked Ribbi.
"One of my teeth is killing me!" Ribbi answered. (Apparently, he had had this toothache for 13 years. During these 13 years, not a single animal in Israel died and not a single pregnant woman miscarried.)
"Which one?" he asked.
Ribbi showed him the injured tooth. Eliyahu rubbed it with his finger and the pain went away.
The next day, Ribbi Chiya visited Ribbi, hoping he would no longer be upset at him.
"What did you do?!" exclaimed Ribbi, "what will be of the animals and of the pregnant women?!"
"Huh? What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to you yesterday!" responded Ribbi Chiya.
Ribbi put together what had happened. He was impressed by the fact that Eliyahu hanNavi took Ribbi Chiya's form to defend his honor, and from that day on, he treated Ribbi Chiya with utmost respect. When they would enter a building together, he would insist that Ribbi Chiya lead the way.

Although there are so many lessons to learn from this incident, perhaps the most powerful one is that we must always remember to phrase things properly. If Rav Huna is dead, say so! Don't make the recipient of your message fall under the impression that he is about to lose his position as Nasi! 

Attention spans and deficits

ירושלמי ברכות פרק ב סוף הל' ד

א"ר חייא רובא אנא מן יומי לא כוונית אלא חד זמן בעי מכוונה והרהרית בלבי ואמרית מאן עליל קומי מלכא קדמי ארקבסה אי ריש גלותא.   

שמואל אמר אנא מנית אפרוחיא   

רבי בון בר חייא אמר אנא מנית דימוסיא   

א"ר מתניה אנא מחזק טיבו לראשי דכד הוה מטי מודים הוא כרע מגרמיה 

 Yerushalmi Berachot 2:4

Ribbi Hiya said, "I never got a chance to remain attentive during my prayers. One time, I really tried to focus. Instead, however, all I could do is wonder who walks into the king's office first when they go to visit him: the prime minister or the head of the Jewish community (Resh Galuta)."

Shemuel said, "I would absentmindedly count the birds fluttering around during my tefila."

Ribbi Bon bar Hiya said, "I would absentmindedly count the rows of brick in the nearest wall."

Ribbi Matnia said, "I am ever so grateful to my head, for when I reach Modim in my tefila, it bows on my behalf."

A"A would emphasize from here that maintaining focus during tefila is not an easy task at all. It is something that even the amoraim would struggle with at times. However, according to Halacha, it is absolutely necessary to at the very least say the first beracha of amida with proper attention and focus.
May HB"H grant us the ability to remain attentive for all our tefilot in the merit of the limmud Torah we just accomplished by learning this Yerushalmi.