Ribbi Yishmael: Finding Beauty in Congruence

Nedarim 66b:

ההוא דאמר לה לדביתהו "קונם שאי את נהנית לי עד שתראי מום יפה שביך לר' ישמעאל בר' יוסי"

אמר להם: "שמא ראשה נאה?"

אמרו לו: "סגלגל"

"שמא שערה נאה?"

"דומה לאניצי פשתן"

"שמא עיניה נאות?"

" טרוטות הן"

"שמא אזניה נאות?"

"כפולות הן"

"שמא חוטמה נאה?"

"בלום הוא"

"שמא שפתותיה נאות?"

"עבות הן"

"שמא צוארה נאה?"

"שקוט הוא"

"שמא כריסה נאה?"

"צבה הוא"

"שמא רגליה נאות?"

"רחבות כשל אווזא"

"שמא שמה נאה?"

"לכלוכית שמה"

אמר להן: "יפה קורין אותה לכלוכית שהיא מלוכלכת במומין" ושרייה

Translation (paraphrased with help from Artscroll):
There was a guy who said to his wife, "I want us to separate until R' Yishmael finds something attractive about you!"
R' Yishmael suggested: "Maybe her head is nice?"
He was told: "Her head is as round as a ball."
"Maybe she has nice hair?"
"It's as disheveled as flax."
"Maybe her eyes are nice?"
"They're too wide."
"Maybe her ears are nice?"
"They're twice as big as they should be."
"Maybe her nose is nice?"
"It's all smashed up."
"Maybe her lips are nice?
"They're thick and swollen."
"Maybe she has a nice neck?"
"It's too short."
"Maybe she has a good figure?"
"She's a fatty."
"Maybe her feet are nice?"
"She has duck-feet."
"Does she at least have a pretty name?"
"Her name is 'Nasty'"
He responded: "How beautifully does her name match her! What congruence!"
Her husband took her back.