Sincerity

עבודה זרה יח.

תנו רבנן כשחלה רבי יוסי בן קיסמא הלך רבי חנינא בן תרדיון לבקרו אמר לו חנינא אחי <אחי> אי אתה יודע שאומה זו מן השמים המליכוה שהחריבה את ביתו ושרפה את היכלו והרגה את חסידיו ואבדה את טוביו ועדיין היא קיימת ואני שמעתי עליך שאתה יושב ועוסק בתורה [ומקהיל קהלות ברבים] וספר מונח לך בחיקך אמר לו מן השמים ירחמו אמר לו אני אומר לך דברים של טעם ואתה אומר לי מן השמים ירחמו תמה אני אם לא ישרפו אותך ואת ספר תורה באש אמר לו רבי מה אני לחיי העולם הבא אמר לו כלום מעשה בא לידך אמר לו מעות של פורים נתחלפו לי במעות של צדקה וחלקתים לעניים אמר לו אם כן מחלקך יהי חלקי ומגורלך יהי גורלי 

Avoda Zara 18a

When Ribbi Yose b. Kisma was sick, Ribbi Chanina b. Teradyon went to visit him.
He said to him, "Chanina, brother, don't you know that this empire (Rome), was sent by heaven to rule over us- they destroyed His home and burnt His temple and murdered his righteous ones and wore away at His wonders and is still around and about? I heard that you're still teaching Torah to the masses with a Sefer Torah at hand!"
Ribbi Chanina responded: "Mercy will come from Above."
"I'm speaking logically to you and that's how you respond?! I'll be surprised if they don't burn you and your Sefer Torah at stake sooner or later!"
"Ribbi, what's my deal when it comes to the world to come?" Ribbi Chanina asked him.
"Well, do you have any [good] deeds?"
"Once," Ribbi Chanina said, "the money I was gonna blow on booze for Purim got mixed up with the money I intended to give to charity. I distributed the entire sum to the poor."
"If that's so, your share will be the same as mine."

A"A always asks: Here we have Ribbi Chanina, one of the tana'im, who was willing to put his own life on the line to teach Torah to the masses. He belonged to one of the greatest generation of scholars we have had throughout history. Is this really what earned him a portion in olam haba? A couple of bucks that went to charity instead of boozing up?
A"A answers that this wasn't his only good deed. However, it was an act that was performed with complete sincerity. He had no ulterior motives when he distributed this money to charity- no one would have known better and he could have at least taken out part of that sum that he knew he was planning on spending for himself. Harmbam describes Ribbi Chanina's act as being, "בתכלית השלמות האפשרית"  - completely and entirely sincere (Perush Hamishnayot, end of Makkot).
Mitzvot aren't all or nothing- even one act can earn a portion of olam haba. However, sincerity and motive are undoubtedly taken into account. 

Go big or go home: Bet Shammai

Anyone who has spent some time in a bet midrash, especially an Ashkenazi one, can attest that sometimes Torah debates can get intense. But I'm willing to bet that you've never seen anyone top Bet Shammai and Bet Hillel, as described in the following Yerushalmi:

ירושלמי שבת א:ד

ואלו הן ההלכות שאמרו בעליית חנניה בן חזקיה בן גרון שעלו לבקרו ונמנו ורבו ב"ש על ב"ה ושמנה עשר דברים גזרו בו ביום... תנא ר' יהושע אונייא תלמידי ב"ש עמדו להן מלמטה והיו הורגין בתלמידי ב"ה.  תני ששה מהן עלו והשאר עמדו עליהן בחרבות וברמחים.

Yerushalmi Shabbat 1:4
These are the halachot which were said in the attic of Hananya b. Hesqia b. Garon when they went to visit him and found that those affiliated with Bet Shammai were more numerous than those affiliated with Bet Hillel. Eighteen laws were enacted on that day... 

R' Yehoshua Onaya taught- the students of Bet Shammai guarded the attic from the bottom, and were killing the students of Bet Hillel to prevent them from entering the attic. It was taught- six of the students of Bet Shammai went up to the attic and the rest of them stood guard with swords and spears.

For obvious reasons, some of the mefarshei hayerushalmi say that this passage is figurative and that nobody actually killed anyone that day. The peshat says otherwise. Even if it did not happen literally, the Talmud phrases it in this manner for a reason. These people took their enactments very seriously. Today we hear of all sorts of insane violence that arises within certain camps in certain circles. Yet we would probably be reluctant to call these tana'im insane. Some of the enactments from that fateful day are still practiced now, such as refraining from eating the bread and cheese of non-Jews. I know I would be reluctant to call them insane, at least while they've got those swords and spears at hand. 

Bothering Rav

שבת קח.

שמואל וקרנא הוו יתבי אגודא דנהר מלכא חזינהו למיא דקא דלו ועכירי א"ל שמואל לקרנא גברא רבה קאתי ממערבא וחייש במעיה וקא דלו מיא לאקבולי אפיה קמיה זיל תהי ליה אקנקניה אזל אשכחיה לרב א"ל מניין שאין כותבין תפילין אלא על גבי עור בהמה טהורה א"ל דכתיב (שמות יג) למען תהיה תורת ה' בפיך מן המותר בפיך מנין לדם שהוא אדום שנאמר (מלכים ב ג) ויראו מואב מנגד את המים אדומים כדם מניין למילה שבאותו מקום נאמר כאן ערלתו ונאמר להלן ערלתו מה להלן דבר שעושה פרי אף כאן דבר שעושה פרי אימא לבו דכתיב (דברים י) ומלתם את ערלת לבבכם אימא אזנו דכתיב (ירמיהו ו) הנה ערלה אזנם דנין ערלתו תמה מערלתו תמה ואין דנין ערלתו תמה מערלת שאינה תמה א"ל מאי שמך קרנא אמר ליה יהא רעוא דתיפוק ליה קרנא בעיניה לסוף עייליה שמואל לביתיה אוכליה נהמא דשערי וכסא דהרסנא ואשקייה שיכרא ולא אחוי ליה בית הכסא כי היכי דלישתלשל לייט רב ואמר מאן דמצערן לא לוקמוה ליה בני וכן הוה

Shabbat 108a

Shemuel and Karna were chilling on the bank of the river Malcha. They saw that the waters were rising and turning brown.
Shemuel said to Karna, "A great man is coming to town, and he has a stomach virus. The waters are rising in his honor. Go figure out what his deal is." So Karna looked into it, and met Rav, who had come to visit the town.
He started asking him questions to figure out what his deal is.
"How do we know that we can only use kosher animals for tefillin?" Karna asked Rav.
"We know it from the pasuk says, 'So that God's name will be present in your mouth.' Things that can go in your mouth are appropriate for writing God's name upon." Rav told him.
"How do we know that blood is red?" (Rashi explains he was asking about Nidda blood, which varies in color and Halacha.)
"The people of Moav saw the  blood and it had turned as red as blood."
"How do we know that berit mila is supposed to be done 'down there' and not somewhere else?"
"It says 'orla' by mila and it says 'orla' by fruit trees. Just like that kind of 'orla' produces fruit, so too, the 'orla' of mila is done in a place that produces offspring."
"Okay, but how do you know to draw a parallel from there? Maybe its talking about the 'orla' of the heart or the 'orla' of the ear? The word 'orla' is used in both of those contexts too!
"We prefer to draw a parallel from trees because the word 'orlato' is used in both contexts, as opposed to 'orlat' which is used in the context of the heart and the ear. Look buddy, what's your name?"
"My name is Karna."
"Karna? May it be His will that a horn (keren) sprouts between your eyes!"
Later, Shemuel invited Rav over for dinner. In an effort to cure him of his stomach virus, he fed him barley bread and fish pie (Soncino press translation), and lots of beer. He didn't let Rav use the bathroom, so the foods can properly cure his stomach virus and he would release it all healthily at the right time.
Rav got really annoyed that he wasn't being allowed to use the bathroom. He cursed and said, "Whoever is paining me like this should never have sons!"
His curse came true, and Shemuel never had any sons.
(As an apologetic measure for this curse, he would always let Shemuel enter the room first from then on. - Bava Kama 80b)

Medicine, Prayer, and Hell

קידושין פב.

 טוב שברופאים לגיהנם

Kiddushin 82a

The best of physicians go to hell.

 This surprising line from the mishnah has already been heavily discussed. Conveniently enough, the most popular Jewish doctor and Talmudist, haRambam, does not have this line as part of his text of the Mishnah at the end of Masechet Kiddushin.

Several authors have taken this line pretty literally. The Kaf haChaim (Phalachi) in Siman 21 argues that medicine is one of two fields that an observant Jew may not enter (the other being a strip-club musician). However, most writers have found ways to reinterpret it. A"A shared one with me a few days ago, which I wanted to share:

The numerical value of "tov" is 17. The Mishnah is alluding to those doctors who only pray 17 berachot in their amida instead of the prescribed 18 berachot. (This assertion must have been made before the 19th beracha was added.) Those doctors who cut out the beracha of "Refa'enu Hashem veNeraphe" because they're afraid to lose their clientele will wind up in the depths of hell. 

Goats and Gangsters

בבא קמא פ. 

ת"ר מעשה בחסיד אחד שהיה גונח מלבו ושאלו לרופאים ואמרו אין לו תקנה עד שינק חלב רותח משחרית לשחרית והביאו לו עז וקשרו לו בכרעי המטה והיה יונק ממנה משחרית לשחרית לימים נכנסו חביריו לבקרו כיון שראו אותה העז קשורה בכרעי המטה חזרו לאחוריהם ואמרו לסטים מזויין בביתו של זה ואנו נכנסין אצלו?!

Bava Kama 80a:

It was taught: there once was a pious person who had a heart condition. He sought instruction from the physicians and was told that the only remedy was to drink fresh milk each morning. They brought him a goat and tied it to his nightstand and he would drink from its milk each morning. A few days later, his peers came to visit him. When they saw the goat tied to his nightstand, they backed out slowly and said, "this house is full of gangsters and we're expected to come in?"