Walking the line

 בבא בתרא דף ס ע"ב

ת"ר כשחרב הבית בשניה רבו פרושין בישראל שלא לאכול בשר ושלא לשתות יין נטפל להן ר' יהושע אמר להן בני מפני מה אי אתם אוכלין בשר ואין אתם שותין יין אמרו לו נאכל בשר שממנו מקריבין על גבי מזבח ועכשיו בטל נשתה יין שמנסכין על גבי המזבח ועכשיו בטל אמר להם א"כ לחם לא נאכל שכבר בטלו מנחות אפשר בפירות פירות לא נאכל שכבר בטלו בכורים אפשר בפירות אחרים מים לא נשתה שכבר בטל ניסוך המים שתקו אמר להן בני בואו ואומר לכם שלא להתאבל כל עיקר אי אפשר שכבר נגזרה גזרה ולהתאבל יותר מדאי אי אפשר שאין גוזרין גזירה על הצבור אא"כ רוב צבור יכולין לעמוד בה... אלא כך אמרו חכמים סד אדם את ביתו בסיד ומשייר בו דבר מועט .... עושה אדם כל צרכי סעודה ומשייר דבר מועט ... עושה אשה כל תכשיטיה ומשיירת דבר מועט

Bava Batra 60b

Our sages taught in a berayta: When the second Bet Hamikdash was destroyed, there were many well-meaning people who took upon themselves to refrain from eating meat and drinking wine. Ribbi Yehoshua approached them.

"My children, why are you withholding meat and wine from yourselves?" he asked them.

They told him: "How can we eat meat when we cannot serve Hashem on the mizbeach with the meat of korbanot? How can we drink wine when we cannot serve Hashem with wine libations?"

"In that case," Ribbi Yehoshua answered, "How can you eat bread if we can no longer bring the korban mincha?"

"Fine, we'll only eat fruits!"

"How can you eat fruits when  we can no longer bring bikurim?"

"Fine, we'll only eat vegetables!"

"How can you drink water?!" Ribbi Yehoshua pushed back. "The water libations are no longer taking place!"

They had no response to this point.

"Let me guide you." Ribbi Yehoshua offered. "On the one hand, we cannot ignore this decree. On the other hand, we cannot enact decrees that the masses will not be able to handle. Rather, we must practice the decrees of mourning that the sages have already put in place. When a person builds a house, he leaves part of it unplastered... When a person prepares a meal, he leaves some of it incomplete... When a woman adorns herself with jewelry, she leaves a piece out..."

Memories from birth

ירושלמי כתובות פרק ה משנה ו

שמואל אמר חכים אנא לחייתא דילדין לי 

ר' יהושע בן לוי אמר חכים אנא לגזורה דגזרין לי 

ר' יוחנן אמר חכים אנא לנשייא דצבתין עם אימא

Yerushalmi Ketubot 5:6

Shemuel would say: "I remember the midwife who delivered me."

Ribbi Yehoshua ben Levi would say: I remember my mohel."

Ribbi Yohanan would say: "I remember the women who hung out with my mother when she was recovering from my birth."

 

 

The elephant and its basket

בבא בתרא דף כב ע"א

רב דימי מנהרדעא אייתי גרוגרות בספינה א"ל ריש גלותא לרבא פוק חזי אי צורבא מרבנן הוא נקיט ליה שוקא א"ל רבא לרב אדא בר אבא פוק תהי ליה בקנקניה נפק [אזל] בעא מיניה פיל שבלע כפיפה מצרית והקיאה דרך בית הרעי מהו לא הוה בידיה א"ל מר ניהו רבא טפח ליה בסנדליה א"ל בין דידי לרבא איכא טובא מיהו על כרחך אנא רבך ורבא רבה דרבך לא נקטו ליה שוקא פסיד גרוגרות דידיה אתא לקמיה דרב יוסף א"ל חזי מר מאי עבדו לי א"ל מאן דלא שהייה לאוניתא דמלכא דאדום לא נשהייה לאוניתיך דכתיב (עמוס ב) כה אמר ה' על שלשה פשעי מואב ועל ארבעה לא אשיבנו על שרפו עצמות מלך אדום לסיד נח נפשיה דרב אדא בר אבא רב יוסף אמר אנא ענישתיה דאנא לטייתיה רב דימי מנהרדעא אמר אנא ענישתיה דאפסיד גרוגרות דידי

Bava Batra 22a

Rav Dimi from Neharde'a once had a shipment of figs that he was looking to sell in the market. The Resh Galuta approached Rava about it. 

"Go find out if he's a real Rabbi or a faker." He instructed Rava. "If he's legit, we will force the other fig merchants to close for the day and provide him with business."

Rava sent his student Rav Ada bar Aba on a mission: "Go sniff out this Rav Dimi guy and find out if he's an authentic talmid hacham or not."

Rav Ada bar Aba sought him out. He approached him and started quizzing him.

"An elephant swallows a woven basket." Rav Ada bar Aba asks him. "The elephant proceeds to pass this basket with its scat. Is the basket tame or tahor?"

Rav Dimi had no clue if the basket was tame or tahor, but was apparently impressed with the question.

"You must be the great Rava that everyone talks about!" he said. 

Rav Ada slapped him with his shoe. 

"There's a large gap between me and the great Rava. Evidently, I am your master which would make Rava your master's master!"

They did not close the fig market that day, and Rav Dimi lost his shipment. Upset, he went to Rav Yosef to complain.

"Did you see what they did to me?" He asked Rav Yosef, feeling dejected. 

"He who stood up for even the king of Edom will certainly have your back on this!" Rav Yosef told him, referencing the pasuk in Amos.

Not long after, Rav Ada bar Aba died. 

"I am to blame for his death!" Rav Yosef lamented. "I placed this curse on him."

"No," said Rav Dimi, "It was my fault! I was the one with the figs to sell!"

Apparently Rav Ada bar Aba triggered a number of Amora'im, because Abaye, Rava and Rav Nachman bar Yitzchak also felt responsible for his demise. 

Duck duck goose

שבועות דף ל ע"ב

דביתהו דרב הונא הוה לה דינא קמיה דרב נחמן אמר היכי נעביד אי איקום מקמה מסתתמן טענתיה דבעל דינא לא איקום מקמה אשת חבר הרי היא כחבר א"ל לשמעיה צא ואפרח עלי בר אווזא ושדי עלוואי ואיקום

Shevu'ot 30b

Rav Huna's wife once had to appear before the court of Rav Nachman. Rav Nachman found himself facing a conundrum. 

He said to himself, "If I rise before her when she enters, the opposing party will assume that she is getting preferential treatment. But if I remain seated I will not be showing her the proper respect as the wife of a Talmid Hacham!"

At last, he came up with a solution. He called his student and instructed him as follows: "I want you to go to the yard and grab a goose. When they enter, I want you to throw the goose on my head! That way I'll be forced to jump up anyway to avoid it and I won't have to worry about what everyone is thinking!"

Let us be grateful to the crooks

כתובות דף סז ע"ב

רבי חנינא הוה ההוא עניא דהוה רגיל לשדורי ליה ארבעה זוזי כל מעלי שבתא יומא חד שדרינהו ניהליה ביד דביתהו אתאי אמרה ליה לא צריך מאי חזית שמעי דהוה קאמרי ליה במה אתה סועד בטלי כסף או בטלי זהב אמר היינו דאמר רבי אלעזר בואו ונחזיק טובה לרמאין שאלמלא הן היינו חוטאין בכל יום שנאמר (דברים טו) וקרא עליך אל ה' והיה בך חטא

Ketubot 67b

Ribbi Chanina had a practice of delivering 4 zuz every Erev Shabbat to a certain poor person. One day he sent the 4 zuz with his wife. She returned home with the money.

"Why didn't you give it to the poor person?" Rav Chanina asked her.

"He doesn't need it!" She responded. 

"How do you know?" 

"When I showed up, they were setting the Shabbat table. They asked him, 'Should we use the expensive linen tablecloth or the expensive silk tablecloth?'"

Rav Chanina proclaimed, "Now I understand what Ribbi Elazar would say: Let us be grateful to the crooks, for if not for them we would all be considered sinners."

Thanks to the crooks, we have a legitimate reason to be suspicious of any random person who asks for tzedaka. Otherwise, we might be in gross violation of neglecting the poor. 

The shochet and his dog

שמות כב ל 

וְאַנְשֵׁי קֹדֶשׁ תִּהְיוּן לִי וּבָשָׂר בַּשָּׂדֶה טְרֵפָה לֹא תֹאכֵלוּ לַכֶּלֶב תַּשְׁלִכוּן אֹתוֹ

Shemot 22:30 

And you shall be for me a holy people. Do not eat terefa meat; send it before the dog instead.

There once was a shochet who worked in a small village slaughterhouse processing chickens for the townsfolk. When he was unsure if a chicken was taref or not, he would approach the dayan of the village and seek an answer.
The owner of the slaughterhouse learned of this practice and disapproved.
"Why do you waste so much time traveling out to the local dayan?" He asked him one day. "I have a more efficient way to determine whether or not the chicken of question is kosher. Offer it to the dog! If the dog accepts, it must be terefa, for it is written in the Torah 'Do not eat terefa meat; send it before the dog instead.' If the dog rejects it, the chicken must be kasher!"
"Okay," said the naive shochet, "I'll give it a try."
The next time a kashrut question arose, he took the chicken and placed it before the guard dog. The dog was well trained to not accept food from strangers and did not attempt to eat it.
"Must be kosher!" the shochet said.
The next day, another questionable chicken was placed before the dog. Again, the dog held itself back. The chicken was ruled to be kosher.
On the third day, the dog's instinct finally kicked in and he willingly accepted the chicken. The chicken was ruled to be taref. Once he saw that no harm came to him, he no longer refrained and all the chickens that were placed before him were ruled to be not kasher.
After two weeks of taref rulings on his chickens, the shochet decided to go back to the dayan with his questions.
"If you don't mind me asking," the dayan told him, "Where have you been these past two weeks? It was the longest stretch I have ever seen you go without coming to me with a kashrut question!"
"Well," said the shochet hesitantly, "The truth is that I tried a new posek. But he turned out to be way too machmir."

Busted

מסכת כלה רבתי פרק ט 

לעולם יהא כל אדם בעיניך כליסטים והוי מכבדן כרבן גמליאל. מעשה בר׳ יהושע שהיה אכסניא אצלו בא אדם אחד נתן לו אכילה ושתיה והעלהו לעליה. ונטל סולם מתחתיו מה עשה אדם זה עמד בחצי הלילה פרש טליתו ונטל את הכלים וכרכן בטליתו וביקש לירד ונפל ונשברה מפרקתו לשחרית בא ר׳ יהושע ומצאו א״ל ריקה כך עושין בני אדם שכמותך אמר לא הייתי יודע שנטלת סולם מתחתי א״ל אין אתה יודע שאנו זהירין בך מאמש

Kallah Rabti Perek 9

You should always be suspicious of those around you as if they are bandits. On the other hand, you should nevertheless treat those around you with the utmost respect, as if they are the Nasi Rabban Gamliel himself.

One time, Ribbi Yehoshua hosted a guest in his home. Ribbi Yehoshua provided him graciously with ample food and drink. When nighttime came, he arranged sleeping accommodations for the guest on the second floor of his house. When the guest entered his room, Ribbi Yehoshua removed the ladder used to descend from the upper level and went to sleep.

What did this guy do? at midnight, he gathered up all of the items in his room and wrapped them in his jacket. Then the would-be burglar tried to sneak off. He attempted to descend from his room but the ladder was missing. Instead, he took a tumble.

The next morning, Ribbi Yehoshua found him lying in a heap with a broken spine and a jacket full of stolen goods.

"Jerk! What kind of behavior is this?!" Ribbi Yehoshua asked of him.

"I didn't know the ladder was missing!" Responded the thief, apparently missing the point.

"I'm no idiot. You should have known that I was on to you from the start!" Ribbi Yehoshua informed him. 

Don't try to burgle Ribbi Yehoshua.

Alcoholic flush

ירושלמי פסים פרק י הלכה א 

רבי יודה בי רבי אלעי שתי ארבעתי כסוי דלילי פיסחא וחזיק רישיה עד חגא חמתי' חדא מטרונה אפוי נהירין אמר' לי' סבא סבא חדא מן תלת מילין אית בך או שתיי חמר את או מלוה בריבית או את מגדל חזירים את אמר לה תיפח רוחה דהיא איתתא הדא מן אילין תלתי מילייא לית בי אלא אולפני שכיח לי דכתיב (קוהלת ח) חכמת אדם תאיר פניו

Yerushalmi Pesachim 10:1 

Ribbi Yehuda b. Ribbi Ilai would drink the four cups of wine of the Seder night and would experience migraines until Succot.
One day, a Roman baroness saw him after Pesach with heavy flushing in his face.
"Old man! Based on that glow, I deduce that you fall into one of the following three categories." the Sherlock Holmes wannabe told him. "You are either an alcoholic, or you are a moneylender who never had to stress about your parnassa, or you are a swine farmer who earns a ton by monopolizing the pork industry in Israel. Nothing else can bring such a glow to your face."
"Get lost!" he responded. "I am none of these things. Rather, my wisdom causes my glow, as the pasuk in Kohelet says, 'A person's wisdom will light up his face.'"

Ribbi Yehuda b. Ribbi Ilai likely suffered from an acetaldehyde dehydrogenase deficiency. 

Don't judge a man by his shopping list

ירושלמי פסחים פרק ד הל' ט 

חד זמן צרכין רבנן נידבא שלחון לר' עקיבה ולחד מן רבנין עמיה.  אתון בעיי מיעול לגביה ושמעון קליה דטלייא א"ל מה ניזבין לך יומא דין א"ל טרוכסמין לא מן יומא דין אלא מן דאתמול דהוא כמיש וזליל.  שבקון ליה ואזלון לון מן דזכין כל עמא אתון לגביה אמר לון למה לא אתיתון גביי קדמיי כמה דהויתון נהיגין אמר כבר אתינן ושמעינן קליה דטלייא אמר לך מה ניזבון לך יומא דין ואמרת ליה טרוכסימון לא מן דיומא דין אלא מן דאתמול דהוא כמיש וזליל.  אמר מה דביני לבין טלייא ידעתין.  לא מה ביני לבין בריי.  אע"פ כך אזלון ואמרו לה והיא יהבה לכון חד מודיי דדינרין אזלין ואמרין לה אמרה לון מה אמר לכון גדיל או מחיק ואמרי לה סתם אמר לן.  אמרה לון אנא יהבה לכון גדיל ואין אמר גדיל הא כמילוי.  ואין לא אנא מחשבנא גודלנה מן פרני.  כיון ששמע בעלה כך כפל לה את כתובתה 

Yerushalmi Pesachim 4:9 

One time, the rabbanim were in need of money, so they sent Ribbi Akiva and one of his colleagues on a fundraising mission. They approached the door of a wealthy donor to ask him for a contribution, but before they could knock they overheard him dictating a shopping list to his son. 

He instructed as follows:

"Please go out and buy vegetables. Don't buy the freshest ones because they are expensive. Instead, find the wilted ones from yesterday and purchase those at a discount price."

Ribbi Akiva decided that this household was a waste of their time, so he moved on to the next donor on his list. 

After they had visited all their other patrons, they had some time to kill and they decided they might as well give this guy a shot, so they went back and knocked on his door. 

"How come you didn't visit me first, like the collectors usually do?" the man asked them. 

"We'll be honest with you." Ribbi Akiva said. "We overheard you telling your boy to purchase discount vegetables and we figured you were not the kind of person who would donate largely."

"What you overheard concerned my personal expenses. You have no right to assume what concerns me and my creator. Take this giant bowl to my wife and tell her to fill it with gold coins for you."

Overjoyed, they approached the philanthropist's wife and told her the instructions they were given.

"Did he tell you to fill the bowl evenly to the edge or to pile coins on it until it overflows?" She asked them.

"He didn't specify one way or the other." they answered.

"I will fill it until it overflows," she told them, "and if that isn't what he intended, let it come out of my own personal finances."

When her husband later heard what she had done, he was so pleased that he doubled the value of her ketuba. 

The moral of the story is twofold. Firstly, do not be quick to judge someone's personality from a single encounter. Induction of such a manner is rarely accurate. The second lesson comes from the donor himself: one must recognize which expenses in life are transient and which are forever. 

Debunking misconceptions about your own identity

"תוספות בבא מציעא דף קיד ע"א (נמשך בע"ב) ד"ה "מהו שיסדרו בבעל חוב 

וכן נמצא בתשובת גאון שכתב שיש בסדר אליהו רבה שנחלקו עליו יש אומרים שהיה מבני בני בניה של לאה ואמר להם איני אלא מזרעה של רחל וא"כ לא היה כהן וכאן אומר שכהן היה ומסיים התם אמרו לו תן סימן לדבריך אמר להן כך כתוב ביחוסו של בנימין ויערשיה ואליה וזכרי בני ירוחם אמרו לו לא כך אמרת לאותה אלמנה עשי לי משם עוגה קטנה ולך ולבנך תעשה באחרונה ולא כהן אתה פי' לפי שכהן הוא היה רוצה ליטול חלה תחילה אמר להם אותו תינוק משיח בן יוסף היה ורמז רמזתי לעולם שאני בא תחילה

Tosafot Bava Metzia 114a 

[Regarding whether or not Eliyahu HaNavi is a kohen,] it is written from the Geonim that there's a Midrash about Eliyahu HaNavi that goes as follows:

There was a rumor going around the rabbis that Eliyahu HaNavi was a descendant of Leah. 

He appeared to them and told them, "What are you guys talking about? I'm a descendant of Rachel!"

(It is apparent from this Midrash that Eliyahu HaNavi was not a kohen and therefore cannot be an alter ego of Pinehas. However, there are other gemarot that imply that he was in fact a kohen.)

The midrash continues: The rabbis doubted his lineage, and asked him to prove it. 

"I'm actually listed by name in Divre Hayamim among the offspring of Binyamin!" He told them. 

"We don't get it..." the rabbis responded, "didn't you tell the poor widow to give you her first portion of bread because you're a kohen and you were collecting your entitled challah?"

"Nah, that wasn't challah," Eliyahu HaNavi told them. "That was supposed to be symbolic. That widow's child is Mashiach ben Yosef. The first portion of bread was symbolic that when his time comes, I will arrive first to clear the way for him."

One of the most mysterious figures in TaNa"CH is Eliyahu HaNavi. Apparently this mystery dates back to the times of the Midrash, and required Eliyahu HaNavi himself to come by and bust a few misconceptions about his own identity.